me -> you

And thank YOU for finally noticing.

and noticed your Social Profile Rankings. #2 most confident: who the hell is #1?  #7 Best to be stuck in handcuffs with—I’m not really sure if this is a compliment or not. And you are more desired than thought of as nice. I thought that was kind of funny.

I go on bursts of facebook at a time. I don’t know why I can’t just go on it shortly but frequently. I have intermissions that stretch on or a week and then a wild peak in wall replies and then silence once again. The housekeeping would be a lot simpler if I was more consistent with it.

for couches to stay at while I’m in India. Couchsurfing.com is an online database of people around the world who have couches that they are willing to share for free. And, as much as I know how dodgy that sounds, I HIGHLY  recommend it and have complete faith and trust in the system. Call me naive.

When I am doing anything with this trip—planning for it, looking for places to see, learning hindi words—I am bubbling over with excitement, I can’t even sit still. I feel my heart in my ears and I want to go outside and start running. These sudden bursts of adrenalin can’t be a very healthy thing for me but I can’t help it!

Your lecture will be fine tomorrow. Give Pooya a script of a discussion. You are fascinating and entertaining in everything you say. The hour and a half will go by before you even know it. And I will be back in Cambridge on the 4th of September.

Although it’s not as feverish and first-edition/first-printing-driven as you, I seem to have caught the bug as well. I bought another big book called, “Architecture Isn’t Just For Special Occasions,” partly because I have a huge weakness for any cover that uses big Helvetica fonts. I also got a book on Hindi/Urdu/Bengali. I am having a fantastic time trying to pronounce the words, especially the nasally and breathy parts, when I am on the metro.

I think your situation with Tracey is kind of funny. I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this to you before, but that first time I saw you talk to her when she was leaving the building, you were very BOYISH and almost shy with her (or atleast it seemed). I hadn’t seen that side of you until then. That was the first time you seemed to be a STUDENT talking to a faculty member. I thought it was amusing then, and more amusing now seeing how it’s turned out.

I don’t remember if I’ve told you this before, but there was a guy that I talked to a few years ago on the internet. It was flirty and superficial but I had gotten an email from his wife one day that debunked evereything that he had told me—being unmarried being one. Anyway, out of nowhere:

Hi Erica,

Under no circumstances should you feel that you have to ever reply to this email. I have spent the best part of two years with my head deep in shame. You experienced the most cruel and hurtful act of deception, and I shed many crowdedly tears for what I had done. The pain and suffering seemed to be endless, Audrey and I never have been the same and this last week I traveled to London for a long break alone to reassess what is right and wrong with me. For all the harm I did I truly apologies for the bottom of my heart. I was attracted to your sensibilities, your artistic creativity and huge infectious passion for a life worth living. By misleading you into other muses I engaged you in a game that ended up dreadfully deceptive and hurtful.  Please know that I’m shameful and have a heavy head for those mistakes. I have tried to become a better human, more forthright, keeping it simple and avoiding the salacious darker side. No, I’m not a monk, but returning to the world of filmmaking to write some beautiful stories for a seemingly broken world.

I really mean no harm from this intrusion and wish you a peaceful, beautiful day.

Stay well,

Dan

My visit, overall, wasn’t unbearably bad. There were moments when I wanted to shove a pencil in my nose and smash my face into a table, but in retrospect, it could have been much, much worse. We got a rental car with a navigator so therer were alot of day trips to beaches and mountains and such (will post pictures soon).

One of the things that my sister tempted me with when I was absolutely against going down to Jeju was my eldest uncle’s golf resort. I do not golf and don’t care much about it, but there is a hotel on the course that is just absolutely beautiful. I saw it when it was part way being built back in ‘02, and was thrilled to see it finished. We went and visited my uncle on the second day but he disappeared before I could ask to see the hotel. I was thoroughly disappointed.

The orange houses were interesting to see. Apparently it is not the ripening season so all the oranges in the trees were green. I had more fun with the watch dog that guarded the trees. He looked like a bear.

We also took a ferry to a smaller island called U-Do. It was a rainy day so the beaches were cold but it was fun to drive around and looking at caves and cliffs. A horse stuck its head into my window but nobody else seemed to find this exciting.

Minus the times when my aunt would talk condescendingly to me, tell me that I am young and stupid for wanting to go to India, act like she knew everything and use english words here and there (totally incorrectly) even though I can understand Korean, it was a nice change in pace. I won’t be going back for a long time now, so I am a bit at rest.

I couldn’t write a post yesterday because I had sessions from 7 in the morning to 4:30 in the afternoon. I was EXHAUSTED.

And I can’t write a proper post today because I have to leave for my flight now. Will be back on Saturday, so I will talk to you then! Hope you are good. As tempting as it is, refrain from using lighter fluid on the ants.

And you were so proud of your newly knighted nickname by the 2Bs!

Today was an easy day. I only had one tutoring session in the morning and had the day all to myself. I went out to no particular place because it was a nice day and ended up seeing my dress (from the dream few nights ago) in a shop window. Well, not exactly—it was a different shade of green and the straps are different but I was excited at the idea of finding something out of my sleep that I bought it without trying it on. I like it. I have pictures of me in it on my mac’s photobooth but, until I figure out why the internet doesn’t connect to it, you will have to wait.

I am taking on a whole shitload of new jobs when I come back next week. I have a student who wants a conversation buddy 3 nights a week; there is a sort of… online class in which I will be assisting with the marking. Students submit an audio clip of an answer to a question (in English) and I record myself telling them what they did right and wrong; and more and more and more TOEFL papers to mark.

There is another gig that I will have at the end of July. This one gets me nervous because it is with a class of kids in an age group that I am not comfortable with (Grade 6-8). I am apparently supposed to talk to them, or rather, engage them in a conversation for 3 hours. I don’t know how Rj did it twice a week.

The good news is, I can think for a good month of things to talk about. Suggestions are welcome.

I would break this page of text up with a (scandalous) picture, but all my pictures are on my mac and this computer will crash if I tried to do anything tricky.

Perhaps it’s the lack of penis shots that your following is missing.

Of course you are writing for me. You do not have a single name or a face to the other random readers that are on your blog. You have everything that matters of mine that is worth dedicating to and writing for.

My computer has apparently stopped connecting to the internet, which is very frustrating. I am now using my sister’s ancient laptop that is formated in Korean (!!!).

On another note: 숀. That is your name in Korean. Or atleast a variation of it.

You would be a very good uncle. I mean, personally, I would much rather have you as my boyfriend than my uncle—but then again, if you were my uncle that I was visiting in a matter of days, I would be more enthused about the trip.

Brooke seems like a laugh. Well, really, your whole family does but I’ve told you this many, many times. Do I get to meet them one day? Be aware, I tend to gravitate towards other familes and have often had crushes on families that were more severe than for the boy.

It’s useless trying to get my sister to be festive on Canada Day. She’s less Canadian than Pooya.

my stomach is demanding an endless input of food (which I do not have). The peculiar thing about this part of town is that nothing opens before noon. I will just have to do with water til then.

while I was sleeping my fever off, my sister took the liberty of booking tickets to Jeju, which is where the rest of the Kim clan resides. We are apparently going on Wednesday. Maybe I will have a relapse into whatever I had the past 2 days and not be able to fly? Yes? I am squirming.

I am still trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Past tense, sort of. I am still a bit shaky but 800% better than I was when I was talking to you. I’m not so sure if the aspirins did anything because I fell asleep right after I took them and eight hours later, I was hurting again. Perhaps it worked when I was asleep?

Can I just say, I am thoroughly amused by this image of you battling a team of cheeky mice? As distraught as you probably are, you have to admit—it’s sort of funny! I happen to think that mice are kind of cute. Big rats are different, but mice are just like wild hamsters… right?

And I take it that the ant situation isn’t getting any better. I thought you had a few dozen traps out? Are NONE of them taking the bait? Sneaky little things.

I think I will use the aspirin excuse when you try to back out of punchinv me in the eye. I will promise to take more aspirins after the hit. 

Sorry  for complaining in most of my posts today. I just can’t seem to think about anythkin  other than the spinning, sweating, and the joints. 

I miss you, Sean Irwin.

how many can/should i take?

I see a ressemblance to Castro or Marx. I htink a politically charged name is more suiting. 

Looks like I am sick. In the b beginning, it felt likt sea-sickness, but now my whole body’s in pain. My joints are either on fire or frozen. My head is spinning and I am thirsty all the time. I haaaaate beig sick! 

But your last post made my day, Sean. 

If you had gone with it, I wouldn’t have been satisfied with a vague “one of the 4B’s.” If I am going to see you with someone, I would like a face to that someone. 

And I haven’t asked you this. In a threesome, which would YOU prefer? MMF, FFM? Personally, FFM has never interested me that much because one always seems to be idling and the sense of mercilessness which is what makes MMF intriguing isn’t there. What do you think? 

It’s Sophia, as weird as it sounds. Once, I made her move all her curls infront of her forehead and I said, “You look so JEWISH!” so it’s been a running joke since then. 

Right before school ended, she was thinking about growing out her hair and I told her that she should. Recently, I have been demanding a photoshoot from her to show me the recent progress. You have to understand, my enthusiasm for this is somewhat similar to what one would feel with a new chia pet. So the other day, she made an album on facebook for me and it’s hilarious. She has a picture of her rocking on a toy horse with the caption, “Play Time.” There’s one where she is kissing her dog, and another where she has all her hair brushed on to her forehead and she is pouting her lips. She labelled this one, “This is me as a Jewish Boy Pornstar.” 

I miss her dearly. 

My sleeping pattern has been knocked funky for some reason. I woke up at 10 to 8 this morning and had to reschedule the tutoring session that I missed. I am thoroughly embarrassed. I have been making up for my lack of credentials with punctuality and enthusiasm all this time. I am looking forward to the weekend. 

Do you dream in colour? I dream in crazy colours. My dreams resemble Hollywood’s interpretation of an acid trip, minus the dizziness and spinning. Last night, I had a dream where I had to find shoes to match a green dress that I had on. I remembered that I had left my green slippers at Cambridge and remained barefoot. 

I don’t remember who my first crush was. I used to be “one of the boys” when I was little. And since I was usually taller and older than my class, I used to be somewhat of a gang leader. I was a scary kid! I think my father liked me better back then. He used to teach me how to wrestle and stuff. Have I told you that my Korean name is a boy’s name? Well, they say unisex, but apparently it was chosen for me when they thought I was going to be a boy.

I am glad that it all worked out and you found more in time. How long does one fill last? I will remind you when you are nearing a refill. I was worried. 

Perhaps you should try Pooya’s Own Way method when they are not simply just giving you your pills. That, by the way, was hilarious. Just reading it, I thought he was going to break down and cry too. I wish I was there and witnessed it. Also, I love how you were there as a “kind of a translator.” I miss this very, very much. 

Woops, silly question. It’s 11 there, no way you’d be at school. 

And no, I’ve never seen a post of mine on We Feel Fine, which I guess is surprising, given my army of blogs. I’ve never really consciously tried to look for myself, either, or maybe I never use the word “feel”. 

How are you today? Are you at school? 

My blog doesn’t record hits, but subscriptions. If you are on tumblr, you can choose to follow a blog and get new posts daily and so far, I have one subscriber. He/She will probably get very weirded out reading this and unsubscribe. 

I wake up at 6 (and when I say 6, I mean snooze until 10 to 7) on weekdays to get to my first session at 7. Thankfully, the university is very near so I can walk there in four minutes if I cut through the soccer field. This is usually a very hazardous route since a group of old men like to play soccer every morning. They usually yell at me for being in their zone but I feign not being able to hear them. I like to listen to Saturday in the Park by Chicago on my way.  

That ends at 8, and then I come home to either nap or eat and then off to another session at 9. Depending on the day, this is usually one or two hours long. If I hadn’t eaten yet, I usually grab a panini at a stand on my way home. I get on the computer at around this time and see what you’ve written me while I eat. My sister usually comes home around this time, eats, then leaves. Since most of my tutoring sessions are in the morning, I have the afternoon to myself. I can do several things. I can go to a nearby coffee shop and read or correct papers (which, by the way, is a new gig that I got. I make grammatical corrections on 20-100 short TOEFL essays in 3 days. The numbers of essays that I get in one bulk varies dramatically because there are two profs who are unloading, and they both range from 20-50 each. I haven’t had a bulk of 100 yet, thank god). When I am feeling especially lonely, I explore Itaewon, which again, is the whitetown of Seoul. It’s like being in a different place there. The other night, I found a Bulgarian restaurant and the staff were all Bulgarian who spoke better Korean than me. A very odd feeling.

If I decide to work out, I usually do so at around 5:30, right before dinner. Most often then not, I eat with my sister, both in and out. Her big, official, translator exams are coming in a matter of months, so she studies a lot of the times at school.

I have evening turoting/conversation sessions on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. My Wednesday student, I feel like, is paying me to be her friend, though. I prepare material for the session and she talks to me about her ex in Canada that she is trying to marry. Then she tries to get me to go drinking with her but I worry that she will start crying about the ex if she is just a little inebriated. 

Then I check my email again right before bed. I have to remember to plug in the mosquito repellent or else I usually end up doing it in the middle of the night. Believe it or not, you can HEAR the mosquitos next to your ear—it’s loud enough to wake you up. Horrible. 

Pooya was telling me about how you told him that the cover he did for your M1 could have been bought in ROME for $3000. The capitalization of Rome was his, not mine. You two. 

I once saw a triple penetration clip (which wasn’t very pretty, fyi) and thought that they could have done just as well without the girl but just rubbing their dicks together. 

I never knew that this was labeled as dogging. Fascinating. I’ve walked by a couple having sex in a car once, but I don’t think they were particularly thrilled to have me see them. I think the thrill of “dogging” would be the total stranger aspect of it—it’s like having a one night stand with everybody who came to watch. If we did this in our school’s parking lot, and looked up to see Melissa peak in, it would kind of ruin it.

But we will do it in your car, no worries. 

I’m afraid Sophia would have no idea what you are talking about with the taser. Although I am immensely proud that my boyfriend tased me, it is not something that I spread around for kicks. 

Anna is back! Did you ever figure out what her friend’s name was, by the way, who was using her room? Hope she had a fantastic time, which sounds like she did. Tell her to save some stories for me! 

Are you going to TA Ico 142? More to the point, are you ever going to TA our class again? Although I understand your hesitancy over this (if you are), I am not going to be very pleased if someone like Van Eyk ends up doing it instead. I think I am speaking for the whole class, here, not just me. 

It’s more interesting for me that you bring up Ava at the end of that post. No, I am not uncomfortable with it—infact, I think you two have a very charming relationship. And I like Ava. I find her incredibly smart and interesting, so your interest in her welfare is very natural, given the similarities. 

When I say jealousy over your writing, it is not an obsessive kind that I channel on to someone. I think this is where you are mistaken. It’s more like greed over your words. I want to read them all and be charmed and laugh and amused by your wit. It’s the need to collect rather than keeping them all to myself and no one else. 

I was NEAR people who smoked, of course (I sat out on a smoker’s terrace at a coffee place). People here aren’t the type who would oblige if I asked them to directly blow smoke into my mouth. Not the done thing, apparently. 

I found out yesterday that I will most likely not get new DSLR here. If I do, it will totally be a rip off because they sell American electronics at twice (sometimes three-times) the original retail price. I am sad. 

I am very excited about this black eye. Another one is for me to get stung by a jelly fish. Can we somehow arrange that? And let’s go to this African lion safari that I still think is imaginary. You will have to refrain me from trying to take one of the monkeys home. 

Other fantasies: Not too many, actually. I’ve already shared with you my intention of doing beautifulagony and a POV. The “surprise attack” interests me greatly, except for the part where I lose in a fight against you. I am tougher than meets the eye! 

I want to do it outside, and hopefully the Cambridge bugs will leave us alone. Maybe up against the stone barrier that looks out to he river. Or—or on top of the dust tower thing that I loved to climb so much! Excellent thinking, Erica. 

Oh, and Pooya’s desk. Which, I guess, really means your desk now. 

And to follow up on that last, I have no idea who we could ask, let alone who would actually be interested in doing it from our school. 

And no I have not read about “this new dogging thing.” Enlighten me. 

you CAN indeed feel the other guy’s cock moving. I think I read it in one of Esquire’s famous “What It Feel Like…” articles where they answer such common questions like, “What it feels like to be a Savant,” “What it feels like to be Bitten in Half by a Shark,” and “What if feels like to be a Porn Star.”

I would think that two groups would emerge from this: those who like being able to feel the other guy’s cock moving, and those who are turned off by it.